I’m a Coder, Why Can’t I Understand Quantum Computers?

So you’re a cutting-edge coder, sought by every company in Silicon Valley. You’ve read all the popular science stuff about quantum computing. But when you actually try to work out how to program qubits usefully, you get nowhere. Well don’t be surprised. The parts of quantum computer programming that can be understood by an advanced coder not trained in quantum theory, are currently useless.